Another Perspective

As an educator, it is imperative that I look at what I do from other's perspectives. Is what I am doing relevant to my students? Do/will they understand? What would hinder them?

More often than not there will be a student whose perspective is only attainable through imagination. And even then, it falls terribly short. This is one such perspective:

This student is in 2nd grade..approximately 8 years older. He is not from the mid-west. His family is originally from New Orleans. They came here after Katrina. His family stayed in the Super Dome. He was approximately 6 years old.

He lost a brother and a sister. A while after relocating here, his mother was killed. He now lives with his father and step-mother.

My mind cannot wrap itself around this. Sure, I've gone through several hurricanes. Even stayed in a shelter. As horrible as it was, it pales in comparison. And I'm sure pales isn't a strong enough word.

I have never lost a parent. I lost my grandmother in October of 2006. A week later I had to put together a family book. I was supposed to get stories from my grandparents. She was the last one I had. I had to get my stories from my mom. I feel like I never really had time to grieve. I was immediately thrown into something else that had to be done. It's not really like losing a parent...especially before the age of 10.

Today was sobering. There are going to be plenty of kids in my classroom who come from so many different places and bring so many things with them. I don't know what else to do but love them.

I will continuously challenge myself to look at life through their eyes.

Eyes...

I am working on a paper for my seminar class. I am picking out what I believe are the major points in the four parts of the book. I am working on Part 2 right now.

When I first read the book, I was struck by this question: "What does my body language say to my students?" I began to reflect on my body language with kids and with peers. I took a critical look at how I hold myself while in conversation. It got me thinking about how I listen to people. I know that I tend to look around while I'm talking/listening to people, especially when there are other people moving around that are not involved with the conversation. I guess I am just easily distracted, but I can see how this may cause the people involved to think I am not listening.

While writing the paper, I began thinking about why I do this. Maybe I am just easily distracted.

I have noticed though that when talking to some people, their stare is too intense. I've heard that the eyes are the window to the soul. Matthew 6:22 says that the "eye is the lamp of the body".

I feel so intimidated sometimes when people look into my eyes. I feel exposed. Unsafe.

A little over a month ago, I had this almost haunting experience. I was in conversation with some people I had just met. We were talking about music. Someone asked me what kind of music I like. The look in their eyes caught me so off guard. It's like that question was a load of bricks slamming into me. I felt like I was frantically searching for an answer that would be worthy. It was the craziest thing. When I think about it now, I can still see the eyes. So purposeful.

I don't think we wear our hearts on our sleeves. We show it in our eyes.

I guess this is why my eyes wander in conversations. The intensity is sometimes too much for prolonged periods of time.

Waiting..

I feel like I am always waiting.

Waiting for the day/week to be over.
Waiting for Spring Break.
Waiting for the semester to be over.
Waiting until graduation finally comes.

And I'm not just waiting for those things to get here...

I'm waiting for them to come so I can do something else. I feel like these things have to come..especially finishing school..for God to be able to do something. I honestly feel like school is holding me back.

It's not true.

I know that this is where the Lord would have me be, but I haven't been able to shake the feeling.

I guess I have always been hung up on my performance. If I do this, God will do that. or I have to do this, so God will do that.

It's junk. Not true.

Jesus, undo my thinking.

Pain
The gift nobody longs for, still it comes
And somehow leaves us stronger
When it's gone away

Pray
I try and pray for Your will to be done
But I confess it's never fast enough for me

It seems
the hardest part is waiting on You
When what I really want
Is just to see Your hand move

(Chorus)
I want a peace beyond my understanding
I want to feel it fall like rain
In the middle of my hurting
I want to feel Your arms as they surround me
And let me know that it's okay
To be here in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes
In the waiting

Time
Time to let it go and just believe
Trusting in what no one else but You can see

Free
Freedom from the fears that close me in
When I can't get beyond where I have been

But then again
The silence doesn't mean that I'm alone
As long as I can hear
That I am still Your own

(Repeat chorus)

In the waiting...

[In the Waiting-Greg Long]

Sunday Thoughts

This morning during worship at church I was thinking about how easy it is for me to have a relationship with God when things are rough. Yet, when things are pretty smooth, I don't always take time to keep my end of the relationship going.

During the hard or rough times, I need Him..just to survive. I need Him to speak life to me. I need Him to let me know that He still loves me and is walking with me.

When things are good, they're good. I don't think I need those things.

And just the opposite is true in relationships with people. When things are rough, it is much easier to end the relationship. Talking or hanging out with the person does not always sound like fun. Yet, when the relationship is good, talking and hanging out comes naturally.

I wonder why that is.

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I was also struck this morning that I'm not exactly sure I know what the "joy of the Lord" is. We sing about it and talk about it, but I'm not sure I could define it.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. What does that mean?